Usually, when any of my single friends tells me he will never get married I sometimes feel like I have to pull out the tenth oldest trick in the book:
‘But that make-up sex though…’
Is that what we’ve got though? ‘Yes, you’ll fight all the time. But occasionally you’ll enjoy I’m-angry-and-sorry-at-the-same-time coitus.’ Of course, all my married men will agree with me, make-up sex is great. It just is. But we forget that we have to fight, which usually means yell at our spouse, for that to happen.
I’m not going to say don’t fight. That would be a fool’s errand. You’re going to have disagreements. That is simply what happens when two people interact with each other over a period of time. You are two people with two different lives and personalities and brains. We’ll get to this during another post. Beth and I work on this all the time.
But what I do want to get to is how we respond to our single friends. What we are trying to do is tell them our angry-yet-sorry, thank-God-you-didn’t-leave sex is better than the no-strings-attached sex that they have. Because for men…apparently sex is the only tool we have in our incredibly crappy swiss army marriage knife.
But how about this:
1 Corinthians 7: 3-4 – The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
When a husband is being the spiritual leader of the family, and the wife is being his helpmeet, and you are both focused on the right path together, its like finding laughter in the monster world. All of a sudden that connection that you have is way more intense than one you just repaired.
Now, I have never once heard this verse used rightly. Mostly because I’ve never heard it preached from the pulpit, but rather used in common conversation to prove a point against dry spells in marriages. So I want to take a moment to pull back the layers.
Sex was designed for procreation. Families were designed as long-term connections. That is why marriage exists. To take two potential short-term connections and make them long-term. That is why most super-fundamental Christians try (and 99% of the time fail) to preach abstinence before marriage.
Once you have a long-term connection with your spouse, biblically, you are one. You are no longer your own person, because you have joined with your husband, or wife. You are both God’s. Her body is yours to do whatever you (technically) want to do with it. But your body is hers too. That’s what every guy I’ve ever heard quote that verse has forgotten.
You can’t push her onto the bed (couch, table, hood-of-car, you’re married, do what you want) and throw this bible verse at her and expect her to just submit to you. Well, you could, but you’d be wrong. Your body is hers in the same way. You can’t make that decision on your own anymore. It’s hers to make.
I recently learned of a phrase called ‘burning the popcorn’. It’s where you go way too long on a specific idea or subject like you would leave the popcorn in the microwave trying to pop every possible kernel. I know this is what I’m doing here, but it’s a novel idea, with grand consequences.
My advice? Men, focus on being spiritually fit enough to hold your family rightly. Feminines, you have many more responsibilities than this, but in this situation, be his helpmeet. Both of you, focus on the rightful owner of both of you.
And men…tell your friends.
My name goes here,